Tekken the Movie: Oranges, Coffee, and a Bar of Chocolate. [PART 1]

I don't know what made me watch this movie. I'd normally shun live action adaptations of Video Games/Anime/Manga as it would never pass beyond my standards. The teaser I guess was good enough, and the fact that Jin was played by an Asian (albeit half), Jon Foo, is definitely a plus for me. So I thought I'd give it a shot, even though they left most of THE iconic and long-time characters out of the story: Paul Phoenix, King, Xiao Yu, Hwoarang, just to name a few. That was one of the biggest turnoff I had with this movie and it'll be a prevailing nagging thought while watching the film. 

Tekken was one of the games I loved playing back on PS1, and a bit of PS2. I played Tekken 3 way back when I was an elementary student, 4th or 5th Grade, I think? So you could imagine how long it was, and therefore had strong nostalgic attachment to it. This is definitely one of the factors I look for when watching live action adaptations. The Nostalgic factor. Sure, there are 'creative' liberties one could argue about, but the fact that it is an 'adaptation', speaks for itself. If you're going to change so much in the story, might as well create your own, and stop labeling it as [insert-what-goddamn-forsaken-title-here]. Plus, the audience you would mostly want to target at is of course, the existing fanbase of the franchise, and boy, you sure wouldn't want to piss them off.

Don't get me wrong though, I haven't started the review yet. ;) Just laying out the factors. 

So to start, I now warn you that this is gonna be a LONG-ASS REVIEW , (edit: decided to split it into two-part posts) and I've already given you a bit of what you're most likely be reading. So if you aren't up to a semi-ranty, scrollbar of doom article, feel free to leave. Or if you're up to sparing a few minutes of your time with a comprehensive review of the movie, I'll be really grateful. Oh and of course,

SPOILERS BE AHEAD. (not that there's so much intrigue in this movie that you'll REGRET-awfully-you'd-want-to-die if read beforehand, though)

Firstly, I'll throw out the turnoff I have of not having the iconic characters in the movie so you'll get a lesser biased (if not biased at all), review. At times there might be some cases wherein I could become, or come off as biased to some, so I'll throw that disclaimer first and foremost. Secondly, I stopped playing (generally) when I entered High School (I'm in College now), so yes, most of the game association will be out of memory (and a bit of research). I'll mention if there are things that I don't know about that could possibly occurred in the later installment of the game anyhoo, so don't worry, and take this review with a grain of salt.

I don't have any problems with Jon Foo playing as Jin, to begin with, because he's an eye-candy (can I say, Asian Orlando Bloom? ;)). :F 

But sadly, that's that. He's definitely a sight for sore eyes (and orgasm to my ears. oh God, the British accent! ♥), but he isn't the Jin Kazama I'd imagine him to be. He has to be fierce. But given the storyline this movie is going for, we all have to start small (and wimpy). :)

But for goodness' sake, spare the voice, PLEASE?

I mean, Foo is not the tallest man on earth, and let's say, he's the only man who could do the job, and the lack of a few inches, I can forgive. But PLEASE. If you're going to portray someone who's bound to be the King of Iron Fist Tournament (c'mon, who are we kidding here), please make his voice less Bieber-y? (Oh the greatness of this little kid projecting to every possible direction of the cosmos, is now, I hereby declare, a word; i.e. an adjective) a few tweak on the audio should do the trick, right? It's hard to take him serious when he's talking to thugs and other street characters with that voice of his, seriously. 

At this point in the film, I don't know what to expect. Are they portraying Jin here as an adolescent? And by adolescent, I mean 13 years old? :/ Certainly not. Jin should've been at least 19 at that time.

Anyways.

I'm not gonna focus on the plot as it is one of the greatly used up plot where protagonist enters tournament due to tragic past, wins it, and gets a hot babe to make out with him along the process. So I'm gonna focus on the technical aspects and how they presented their plot, as I believe that these little details makes up or breaks up this kind of movie setup. 

The movie started nice, with a bit of running around as you would expect in an action movie (I'll let the scene where Jin not-so-mysteriously got past the Jacks, the security force of Tekken Corp, wherein he's only a few steps away, hiding behind in what turns out to be the most obscure places, not to mention impenetrable to a shitload of bullets, on earth that Bin Laden's probably been using it right now... a rusty old car chassis, pass, since it's only for killing time on listing the characters for the intro anyway.) But the music killed it slightly. They could've chosen a better metal rock song if they really want to go for it. It doesn't pump you up, and instead seems like a 'childish' choice. But then again, it's cheaper to buy the rights of a song than hire a good composer and make one from scratch. But then again, it's also easier to find another song fitted to the scene. I dunno about you, but the song seemed lax for that cut.

I also took notice that the voices are poorly voice-over'ed. Even the soldiers chanting the Mishima Hymn sounded like there were only 3 of them when there are a whole bunch. The computer's voice sounded so clear that there's no 'robotic' feel to it. If they only filmed the audio Live, then it would sound more natural. Or they could purposefully decrease the quality (to have a bit of static/grain in there). Honestly, some might not notice these things, but it's part of the experience. Some people would've been there telling it was lacking something, but couldn't really pinpoint anything. It's because these things are part of the small details, unnoticeable most of the time, that makes up the whole experience the film delivers.

Then there's this blonde girl who possibly gave the most entertainment in this film other than Jin himself, and for the wrong reasons, I might add. The inclusion of her baffled me at first, until they introduced Christie Monteiro. Of course they had to subliminally hint that the girlfriend should be easy to ditch once presented with a much 'tappable' booty, i.e. Christie. The blonde girl acts so horribly it was funny, save for the bed scene with Jin which she showed so much vigor and passion that when the Jacks finally caught up on Jin's whereabouts he could only exclaim "OH SHIT!", and break free from her rhythmic performance, she looked so, so, dazed.

"Oh Jin, why, oh why?"

Oh, I also couldn't help but notice the nice Heihachi and Yoshimitsu poster (the latter showing up later in the film) they had. Very reminiscent of The Godfather (a total classic). And I would LOVE to have them pinned up on my wall. :)

When the fighters finally meet up it was then that my burden was relieved. The scene where Jin and Christie met, particularly. Apparently, only our lil kid Jin here could be able to pull off the greatest way to pick-up a hot, mixed martial arts red head.

"I was admiring your toes."

"You were saying?!"

"Uhh... It's how you spread them... it's impressive."

I surely wish I was kidding, but yes. The dialog did go that way. (Not the exact screenshots and dialog, for the humor) I was LMAO. So yeah, kid here pretty much confirms he's still a 'kid'. :P And with that last sentence of his, I cannot help but wonder how marvelous Christie's toes must be spread. 

[[To be continued...]]

(Sorry. Couldn't get past laughing at the thought of Christie's toes...)

(Stay tuned for the next post. Will put up link here once done. For now, enjoy! XD)